1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
