Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
