I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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