how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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