tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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