1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
