A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
