I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
BRING THE BAGELS
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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