My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
we're so committed to being not committed
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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