this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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