Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
