im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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