You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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