I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
