Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
