Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
