Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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