she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
