She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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