I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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