if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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