Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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