You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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