3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
