lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
pop tarts are not kleenex
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
