I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
