Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
