I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
