if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
