Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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