If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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