hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
