Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
