I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
