And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
