I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
