You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
That accounts for only three of the penises
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
