dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
