He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
