Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
