we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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