Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
