I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
