some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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