Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize