he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
