and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
