Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
