i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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