we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
do nipples grow back?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
