Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
