Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I smell like Dick and happiness
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