I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
