Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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