One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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