sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just pee around me
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
