My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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