You made me cry and you don't even care
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
