I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
