I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
