i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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