He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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