I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
4 words: hood of his car
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
