It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
