Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
