i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
