Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I came so hard my ears popped.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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