I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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