Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
