He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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