I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
