The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize