i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
