i jhust puked up my retainher.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Randomize
