I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
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